When Support Feels One-Sided: A Mother’s Dilemma

Family conflict often stems from clashing expectations—especially around caregiving, money, and aging.

Martha, 56, shared her story after a retirement conversation with her 26-year-old daughter, Emily, took an unexpected turn.

“I raised Emily alone after her father died. I worked multiple jobs to give her a good life—paid for college,

her first apartment, even her grad school. I always believed family meant mutual care, especially as we grow older.”

During a recent chat, Martha joked about moving in with Emily someday. Emily’s response shocked her: “Mom, I love you,

but I won’t be your caregiver. I want to live my own life. That cycle of sacrifice doesn’t need to continue.”

Martha felt hurt and betrayed. She had never expected hands-on care—just emotional support. After thinking it over,

she called Emily and said she’d no longer help with her condo down payment, aligning her support with Emily’s boundaries.

Emily accused her of being manipulative. Martha’s sister said she was “weaponizing” support. But Martha sees it differently:

“Support goes both ways. I’m just adjusting to the reality my daughter gave me.”

Now, she’s left wondering: is she wrong for doing that?